Best Mom Tip #117: Choose your partner..

for the Amazing Race!

This is a game my husband (and some of our friends) like to play. It is based on the idea that most married or dating couples on CBS’s show The Amazing Race tend to look as though counseling, if not outright divorce, is in their near future. I am not sure if it is even possible for a married couple to attempt to navigate a stressful vacation in a foreign country without at least one of you using the how-do-you-even-manage-to-dress-yourself-in-the-morning voice. And it is all recorded for all time for every one of your friends and relatives to watch and ask you about later.
So Jay and I talk about who we would take with us if not each other. My brother is high on my list. He talks to people easily, is somewhat of an adrenaline junky, and he can run fast. He also speaks Spanish and is really strong.
My friend Cheryl is one of my top contenders because she never gets upset and since we have lived together in the past, we would be able to recognize the “I’m about to lose it” expressions.
My friend Allison and I have different skill sets so while I would be willing to ask anyone anywhere anything, Allison would actually listen to the answer.
For my part, I have a good memory and I will eat anything. During a recent discussion about this topic one of our friends challenged my statement that I would not be grossed out by the food challenges. We were at dinner so I didn’t get into specifics, but I said something like “there is no way another country’s delicacies could be grosser than my regular life.”
This week alone I have scraped actual human excrement with a stick and smeared it onto a card to mail to the pediatrician. I then had to decide how to seal the envelope–licking certainly seemed out. Since I have had to mail poop I have also become very paranoid about where I put my mail–what else is in the mail touching my bills?!! Certainly it shouldn’t go on my kitchen counter, right?
Anyway, I never threw up during any of my pregnancies (even while on a sailboat), I have scooped up barf with my bare hands, and I have collected and transported urine (not my own) in a tupperware container to the doctor’s office. I also have a good sense of direction.
So if you like to jump off of high things and you want a partner who will cover the gross parts, just let me know. I’m available until I lose my mind and have to return to work.

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