Today I used my meanest voice when talking to my 5-year-old while she was in the middle of a fit about an irrational problem. This event lasted for about 45 minutes, during which time I even attempted to lay guilt on her by telling her that she was being a terrible example to her brothers. I was also sarcastic. Now, when there are no longer 3 small people vying for my attention, I am really embarrassed about my behavior.
My 2-year-old is currently sleeping with his Cars sippy cup because he woke up about an hour after he went to bed and asked for milk. Then he refused to let go of the cup and kept hugging it to him like a snuggly. Nothing like the comfort of a cold plastic container to make mom feel like she’s done her job.
I am weaning my not-quite-4-month-old because there are some medicines that I want to resume taking that I cannot use while nursing. I feel all sorts of guilt about that and the fact that he now has smelly diapers and spits up makes me feel worse.
I feel mostly like today saw me short on patience, long on frustration, and without much of a sense of the kind of calm, loving mom I want to be. I can only hope that somewhere out there someone else did a worse job of mothering and that my kids will wind up competing with that woman’s weirdos for jobs one day.