Best Mom Tip #103: Get an orthopedist

In order of appearance, the following are all of the orthopedic problems I have had that are directly related to motherhood:

Number 1:
Problem–Wiggly kneecap due to overly elastic joints because of that chemical that loosens joints during pregnancy.
Solution–physical therapy and lots of leg lifts in front of the TV

Number 2:
Problem–Compression fracture in one of my tail bones due to underestimating how much I weighed while trying to sit down at 8 months pregnant.
Solution–horrible shots to my tail bones to stop the pain. It involved a nurse telling me “I’m just going to put this washcloth here in your bottom.”

Number 3:
Problem–pelvic pain due to bone spurs caused by pressure on my pelvic bones while pregnant.
Solution–letting the pain “burn out over 6 months or so after birth.” Also, not wearing any of my beautiful high heels because they exacerbate the pain

Number 4:
Problem–horribly bruised/possibly fractured foot from stepping on a back stroller wheel while attempting to jog to the bus stop to meet my eldest kid
Solution–don’t know yet, but it still hurts 3 weeks later so I’m going to the doctor again

Number 5:
Problem–horribly bruised/possibly broken toe due to 2-year-old pushing over a bar stool onto my foot
Solution–probably nothing, but since I already made that appointment for number 4, I figured I ask about the toe, too

Parenthood is literally bad for my health.

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