I have learned this one undeniable truth: If I do not have the phone with me at all times, it will ring. If I hold on to it, it will not ring.

If I take the phone into the bathroom with me I will be that poor, sad Mommy sitting on the toilet holding the phone. (Don’t worry, it’s always the upstairs portable and you are highly unlikely to ever touch it.)

If I do not take it into the bathroom I will be that poor, sad Mommy with her enormous mom shorts around her ankles scrambling for the phone before it wakes the baby up.

A corollary to this truth is that if I have nothing to do and feel really lonely and useless, the phone will not ring.

If, however, I am trying to keep 5 children ages 6 weeks to 5 years from climbing into the monkey cage at the zoo, I will get 3 phone calls.

I can’t wait for those cell phone sunglasses to become reality.