I pluck my eyebrows so I don’t feel fat

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To quote Elaine from Seinfeld, “women PLUCK them from their heads and DRAW them back on!”

I was driving over a speed bump near the grocery store last week and my back jiggled. My back. Jiggled.

I told my husband that I had back fat and that it was actually beginning to move as though it had a life of its own. He laughed and told me I didn’t have back fat and that I was being silly. I said that if it isn’t back fat, then my butt is taking over and would soon be covering my entire body.

After that conversation I decided that it was time to take matters into my own hands and do something that makes me feel better about myself.

This is where the eyebrow waxing comes in. Clearly, I can’t just wax off the back fat. But my eyebrows…that I can do.

Getting my eyebrows done has lots of benefits. It only costs about 10 bucks. It is on a part of my body that doesn’t gain weight. It opens up your face and makes your eyelids look less droopy (which is great since I’m sleep deprived).

It also only takes about 10 minutes to have done. And you can probably take your baby with you if he happens to still be small enough to be confined to a carrier.

I could have chosen other things to do to make myself feel more attractive–pedicures, new makeup, a haircut. Gone to actually work out and done something about the back fat.

And all of those things have their place. But nothing is quite as fast of a fix as the eyebrows. I didn’t have to negotiate child care, I didn’t need to work it into the family budget (especially since my new investment plan–keeping our money in a mattress–isn’t gaining much), and people don’t normally know what you’ve done differently. They just notice that you look nice.

So if you’re having a frumpy-feeling day or your back is channeling St. Nick and acts like a bowl full of jelly, go get your eyebrows done. It’s a quick pick-me-up and as far as I know, it doesn’t do anything bad to the environment.

In a few weeks I’ll go again to get my “face lift.” In the meantime, I’ve also joined a gym and packed up all my maternity clothes so I don’t get complacent about the newly expanded junk in my trunk.

2 thoughts on “I pluck my eyebrows so I don’t feel fat

  1. Aruss says:

    What gym did you join? The most appalling thing is when you’re sharing a sweet moment with your son and happen to look at your profiles in his dresser mirror and realize that you have become the “fat mommy” you swore you’d never be.But exactly how does another “best mom” who works, doesn’t have family nearby as babysitters and a husband who works until 6:30 find time for the gym? Do I really have to get up at 5 to get fit?

    Like

  2. Kim says:

    Stupid back fat. I have to get up at 4:30 to get a good workout in before work. No time by the time I get home…I alternate between the gym and Starbucks for a quiet time. It’s a lot easier to get myself to Starbucks. It is always hard to get my butt (and back fat) out of bed, but I’m always happier when I do it. Perhaps I should use Starbucks time as a reward for gym time–hmm…

    Like

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